Throw Your Hands Up At Me...

This picture doesn't have shit to do with shit, I liked it though!

DISCLAIMER: I am not complaining, I’m merely observing and appreciating the irony of the situation, but I had a post that was about how advice pretty much always sucks and there’s no point in giving it because no one really offers an explanation on how to literally take said advice, and somehow that sparked an influx of people calling me offering advice of that exact nature. I did ask a question and asked for an answer, but still… No, seriously, I thought it was the weirdest thing. I even got calls from people that gave the exact examples that I used of "advice" that totally sucks, like "have fun," and "don’t worry about it," and "don’t think about relationships or meeting anyone." Isn’t that so weird? Maybe my last post sounded like I wanted to hear those things. Did it?

Not all of them. I loved all the calls and e-mails I got, particularly because they were all kind, but also because witnessing the patterns was the absolute best.

Every person I talked to that is going through something similar – break-ups, momentary depression, loneliness, or just plain wanting to get ass, but having a hard time finding any – well, those calls and e-mails were so full of compassion, and never offered one piece of advice. It was all, "I hear you, dude." Then the happy people – the ones who aren’t in relationships because they seem to hate relationships or are in perfect relationships, they’re full of advice. Very much, "Hey, look at me! Chin up!"

So, here’s my question, and you don’t have to answer this, but feel free: Why is it considered pathetic to want a boyfriend/girlfriend? No, seriously. One friend referred to herself as co-dependent just because she found that being excited about another guy would help get over the last one. I think that’s perfectly normal. Another person said that I’m "obsessed" with relationships. (Sidenote: I couldn’t talk about relationships for the first couple years of having a blog/site/journal because I was in a relationship of some sort, and I didn’t want that person reading what I thought about them online. This is my first opportunity to talk openly about everything I never could talk about, and it’s my favorite thing to talk about, so I’m making up for lost time.) An independent man or woman is seen as so strong, so lucky, so to be admired, but is it admirable or is it just one of multiple lifestyle choices that some prefer? Maybe those independent people really suck in relationships, so they’re single because they don’t know how to be sane as a partner, while some partner-types don’t know how to be sane without another half. But I just don’t understand why one is considered better than the other? Why is it okay to suck in a relationship and be awesome single, but not okay to be awesome in a relationship, but suck as a single?

I think you are co-dependent or obsessed when you’re the type of person who can't be alone. Let me define "can’t." I mean that the person would rather be with the wrong person, and horribly wrong at that, than be alone. This person who can't be alone won’t go out of the house without someone with them, won’t eat alone at restaurants, would never consider seeing a movie by themselves. This is a person who doesn’t like their self unless guy/girl likes them. This is the person who has no opinion of their own because they adapt to the opinion of whomever they date. This is a person who thinks they’re pathetic and ugly if they’re not having sex with someone. This is a person who fears an empty bed.

I am none of those things. I sleep sprawled across my bed these days. I haven’t done this yet, but I’m sure I’ll go to movies alone by choice. I eat by myself all the time, and I often prefer it. I think I’m plenty attractive even if I don’t have a boyfriend. I pay my own bills, I buy my own shit, I have fun on the weekends, and I have a pretty full life even though I haven’t started singing again yet. So, IF I were to want a boyfriend, why would that make me an asshole? I’m not saying I’d want any old boyfriend. I’d want a good one. Somehow, that makes me a pathetic, weak, obsessive, co-dependent.

So, the advice rolled in – Hey, you’re free, enjoy yourself. Who said I’m not enjoying myself? Trust me, I like going wherever I want without running it by anyone. I love the fact that no one has the power to not call me and have that ruin my day. I love that someone else’s bad mood doesn’t have to become my bad mood. I love that I can flirt with whomever I want, and I never have to feel bad about it. I love that if I get sloppy drunk one night with the roommate, no one is going to give me shit about it or make me feel embarrassed. I love that I have no one to get into a fight with at the end of that drunken night. I love that I don’t have to babysit the feelings of anyone. I love that I don’t have anyone to disappoint me regularly, which a boyfriend kinda tends to do. I love that feeling of spotting a group of single boys and enjoying the moment of wondering if any of them will be attractive up close. I love that I never feel jealousy. That emotion is just monstrous, and I’m not worried about it now as a single. I love that I never have to wonder if I’m being cheated on. I love that I’m not terrified of losing someone. I love that I don’t have to feel that awful aching of the very first moment when you realize the person you’re crazy about is slipping away. I love that I don’t have to apologize to anyone ever. I love feeling when I go out that even though I really don’t think I’m going to meet anyone who excites me…I juuuuust might. I do feel liberated, but that’s because these are all the awful things I’ve experienced in prior relationships that are experiences I hope not to repeat if I’m with the right guy.

The right guy will be fucking awesome. And I can’t wait to meet him because he’s there, out there somewhere looking for some to be awesome with. He’s going to be fun. And he’s going to sound fucking happy to hear from me when I call. He’s going to look forward to seeing me. He’s going to flatter me. He’s going to give me little surprises. He’s going to be spontaneous and think a trip somewhere would be fun, or even better – if I want to go without him, he’ll think that’ll be fun for me and he’ll do his own thing without feeling abandoned or jealous. I won’t ever feel jealous because he won’t give me any reason to because he has the common knowledge of what’s not appropriate when you have a significant other. He won’t annoy the piss out of me. I’ll be attracted to him. I’ll love the way he smells. We’ll be excited about the future together. We’ll make plans, we’ll go on trips. He’ll think all my friends are hilarious. This fucking guy is out there. There might be a couple of them out there like that, and it’s not that I feel like I’m this loser because I’m not independent enough, I’m as independent as they get. I’m just so fucking excited to meet this man. He could be anywhere – in the grocery store, at a wedding, living next door… Ok, maybe not so much the next door thing, but you get the idea. My favorite person in the world exists, and I haven’t met him yet. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with reeeeaaallly looking forward to it.

The rest of my life is in order. I do concentrate on my career. I will start performing again. I have amazing friends. When the majority of your life is in order, you don’t sit around and talk about it – particularly on a blog. You talk about what you don’t have, why you don’t have it, and what you want from it. The one thing I don’t have is my significant other. So I live my life to the fullest every single moment I’m not typing to you people, and then I take this time here to analyze what’s missing. That’s it. That’s all.