That's Some Espionage Right There...

No, My momma is not that Korean woman who does your nails!

I've been at a complete loss with this poor mistreated blog as of late. I've had the most severe case of writer's block that I couldn't even think of something at the very least half-assed and witty to say. It's not even that I'm at a loss of things happening in my life (Read: I'm really a loser), it's just that nothing's really been funny enough to share. That was until today.

I'm still really close with a lot of my folks in Birmingham, we e-mail back and forth and sometimes I have to call and clown them on something that I heard that reminded me of their stupid ass. Today, I'm sending this half-assed little e-mails to Eva Mendes-clone and she said that she's got to go see my mother because she might have dyed her hair. To which my response was "Take a picture and send it to me." The thing you have to understand about my mom is that she always picks these off the wall, never occurred naturally in nature, colors to put on her head. She deny this in a comment later, but I swear to you that this heiffer had purple hair for about three weeks. I'm not talking like Barney the dinosaur purple, I'm talking about that dark, almost maroon purple that was real popular on Impala's a few years back. Ig'nant.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Eva Mendes-clone taking a picture of my momma's head. She said she had to do a sneak attack on her because she'd freak out if she new someone was taking a picture of her recently colored weave. Ha ha ha ha! My momma doesn't really wear a weave, at least I don't think she does. I don't know, I've been gone for two months, she could be wearing stripper pumps and selling Mary Kay for all I know! Anyway, I'm sitting here with this vision of EM-c crawling through the air ducts at her office, getting right over my momma's head, and repelling down a la Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible. I had a tourettes moment and just busted out laughing. Now I got folks looking at me all crazy, I need to tell them that I forgot my nerve pills this morning. I think I will, hang on let me throw something and scream really loud.

Oh, speaking of screaming really damn loud, does anyone know anybody that has night terrors? Ok, I'm totally not clowning on anybody that has them because I'm sure that it's not so much fun for you either. Anyway, so I'm talking to Hustle & Flow last night and we were talking about what we were afraid of and all that jazz. Ok, wait, side note, why is it that folks feel the need to talk about the shit they're afraid of? That's not going to make any better, that's not going to keep you from peeing your panties everytime you experience said phobia. So, really, why? Anyway, back to the point. So he tells me that sometimes he gets night terrors, and not thinking I said "I'm just going to let you know that the first time that happens, you will see me come up out of my shit and start crawling up walls." Because I am such the supportive friend. It was only later that I told him that because he was taking steroids (not for body building or sports or anything like that ) that he was going to be all knocking through walls like the Kool-Aid man. Trust me, I am the best friend any of you will ever have!

That's all for now kids!

PS. I have recently learned that not all princes are really frogs, not all carriages turn into pumkins at midnight, and sometimes it's just better not to go there!