Trying to Live My Life Like It's Golden...

I’ve noticed a lot of my entries here are depressing as shit. I’m aware of this. Why? Because it’s pretty much only when I’m feeling darker, reflective, introspective, and sad when I feel in the mood to really express myself instead of telling some random ass story or something. Personally, I find it obnoxious when I’m reading about how happy another person is. Why? Not because that person is obnoxious, but just because I’m jealous of people who walk around happy and thankful. I know it’s a good way to live. I wish I could be that way. I know it’s an active decision I make on a daily basis to not feel that way. I’m not sure why I decide to be so unhappy or unfulfilled. Maybe it’s the same reason why I don’t always eat healthy, why I have a beer when I hate drinking, why I skip working out when working out feels so great. It’s because I’m a wallower. It sucks. It’s not very nice to be around. I’m choosing to be that person, and what will it take for me to chose otherwise? Well, though I would love to write something really depressing right now because I can and because I’m feeling sad about 8 million things that all have to do with just myself, I’ve decided to compose a list here of little and big things that make me happy. Maybe not dancing-on-the-ceiling happy, but the kind of happy that passes by you in the moment, temporarily lifting whatever pain you’ve been causing yourself. So, here goes:

* Being in the middle of a phenomenal book that you can’t put down.
* Looking around my clean apartment and knowing that it’s finally CLEAN.
* Crawling under my covers when I’m exhausted and knowing I can sleep as late as I want the next day.
* Watching a movie for the first time that is way better than I actually thought it would be when I bought the ticket, and knowing I’m only partly through it and so much more is to come.
* Receiving my paycheck.
* Remembering something or someone fondly.
* Being remembered fondly.
* Buying a new CD.
* A perfect piece of beef jerky
* That first cigarette of the day.
* Having a deep and fascinating conversation without someone who knows me and loves me as much as I know and love them
* Rediscovering an old song I used to love more than anything that I somehow had forgotten
* Telling a story well and making people around me laugh
* Getting dressed for a night out that I’ve been looking forward to for a while
* A spontaneous plan to do something fun on a night I thought would sure to be boring
* Staying in a hotel
* A relaxing manicure and pedicure
* Knowing I can afford that particular day to get that relaxing manicure and pedicure without worrying about the next bill
* A much needed hug
* A much needed kiss
* Receiving or giving good and thoughtful surprises

Have a nice day.